amorpha

bottleneck of ideas. backing up. we write when we write. usually on inertia of motion. then afterwards we can't edit it or even always fully understand what we wrote because the necessary skills aren't lined up and pointing in the right direction.

so many things. world goes by. world words. world words words words. people who think reality bound up in words. Off here to the side somewhere, speaking different language at base cognitive level. Trying to reach out when we can, but sometimes often lately words not there. spoons not there. skills not pointed up and lining right direction. all or most need to be lined up and pointing in same direction for words to come out or even to edit existing words. instead the skills, instead of lining up towards one direction, spin and spin and spin in space. somewhere inside our head where there's just shapes synaesthesia direction and motion, which seems to be most fundamental baseline of thought.

people with their words. talk talk talk. world moves so fast. discussions move so fast. watching helpless as words go by as skills spin and spin in space, skills we need to make words to reply to words of others. no direction no ability to form them together.

but thoughts. real ideas. real valid ideas. no way to articulate. feeling of crushing helplessness. like world is giant moving thing with lots of wheels and metal that will run us over and crush us if we don't jump out of its way when words don't come enough or fast enough. frustration that we get left out of formation of ideas of rightness justice and how world works because while everyone else pumps out words and words and words, the word making word joining skills in our head still spinning ungrounded in space.